Derby Life

Three years ago today, I stepped onto a roller skating rink with about 30 other women and started learning how to play roller derby. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t even know how to stop myself on skates, let alone hit someone. I was wearing $40 skates and a set of pads that were so thin and crappy, they might as well have been Ace bandages. I wore a bike helmet. I didn’t know what I was doing on that rink, and I certainly had no idea I would still be playing 3 years later.

Not long ago, in a bout between two WFTDA charter teams, I made a call that a player took umbrage with. She grumbled, though not in a disrespectful manner that singled me out. After the jam, I clarified the call with her…or rather, I tried to: she practically stuck her fingers in her ears and skated away singing “LA LA LA LA LA LA.” Why? Because I wasn’t the head ref.

Oooh...it's derby's little secret. No matter how much we tout sisterhood and strong women athletes, it's the horrible, nasty, embarrassing little character flaw in modern derby. I'm not going to make a broad sweeping statement that every league out there has had issues with mean girls and crappy behavior, but if you're honest with yourself and your leaguemates, you know that you've faced this issue before. Actually, depending who it was in your league, it's possible nobody FACED this problem, they just kind of hoped it would resolve itself because they didn't want to rock the boat.

WFTDA just released new minimum skills requirements this season, which have some skaters up in arms. We asked Booty Quake what she thinks of them.

Ask yourself these two very important questions: 1: When is the last time you performed a baseball slide in game play? And, 2: How many times per bout do you turn around 180 degrees and quickly skate in the opposite direction?

Did you say “uh, never ever ever?” and “I don’t have that many fingers and toes to count on” ?

Something pretty special happened to me last week. A friend from a long time ago reached out to me and thanked me for doing derby. She thanked me because hearing about my struggles and successes on the track allowed her to dream big and join her local league, too. She is fresh meat and I am proud of her. This friend and I haven't really talked much in the last 10 years, but I had run into her a few months back at a bar in her neck of the woods. I mentioned that I was doing derby and it had changed my life.

#10: Wheels matter! So does the rest of your gear. Once you commit to the sport, make sure you’ve got the right gear, and that includes a great set of knee pads.

#9: Gear only takes you so far. Once you have decent gear, you need to learn how to work with it. If you hate something, fix it or replace it or trade it with someone, but at some point, you have to learn to use your gear and not blame it for shortcomings on the track.

You look up, past the opposing blockers’ helmets and see your teammates imploring you to join them. Pushing and wiggling as much as you can, you desperately try to free yourself from the opposing blockers. You are trapped. You are the goat.

Some say it takes a year before derby starts “clicking.” It may take longer for you. It will seem like an eternity. You will have lots and lots and lots of jams in which you have no idea what the fuck is going on. You will have to focus on one thing at a time and not let yourself get overwhelmed. After scrimmaging with veterans, you will come off the track many times apologizing to them for making mistakes. They expect you to make mistakes — there’s no need to abase yourself. Ask what you can do better. Listen and try hard and don’t beat yourself up for your inadequacies.

by Gypsy Bones, Boulder County Bombers

The knee is a beautiful thing. It is the joint between the two longest bones in the human body (the femur and the tibia), and bears the entire body’s weight. Normally a wonderfully functional class three lever, it is remarkably prone to injury.

Auld Reekie Roller Girls were founded in April 2008. Most of us could not skate in April, yet we had our first bout in the same September. Following this we had a surprising winning streak coming up against much more experienced teams. Looking back I can only theorise this was because our secret tactics kept us a step ahead.

A comprehensive list of ‘tactics’, ‘training techniques’ and ‘psych outs’: