Top Ten... Hale Yeah

Published on March 4th, 2014 | by Hale Yeah


Hale Yeah

Top Ten Impacts of WFTDA’s New 30-Second Penalties

10. To make sure you can finish reading your literature in the penalty box, leaflets of local tourist spots have been substituted for magazines.

9. Sadly, it’s no longer possible to complete your 7-minute abs workout during one bout.

8. Player/Penalty Box Manager relationships will have to concentrate much more on the quality of their time together rather than the quantity of it.

7. For those who don’t like sweaty jerseys, it is now possible to foul out within the first three jams!

6. Patient offense will have to be renamed as blockers will begin to shout “Hurry up, we only have half the time that we used to!”

5. Players will have to find a new way to rest during jams, as the actual time seated in the penalty box drops from 50 seconds to only a scant 20 seconds.

4. The weighing of whether or not to have a skater complete another pass for a definite 5 points but free the OJ may conditionally outweigh calling the jam off and keeping the jammer in the box. …sorry, that was actually a real thing and not a joke. Pardon me, pardon me..

3. The change allows businesses sponsoring the penalty box to get double the return on their investment from 2013!

2. Pit crews for jam refs will only have half the time to change out their wheels as before when their jammer goes to the box.

1. Less points will now be made off of power jams, keeping games tighter, scores lower, and the disenfranchised sated for about 30 seconds before they start complaining about something else ruining roller derby.

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  • WindyMan_WRDN

    I thought tighter games and lower scores was an equal competition problem, not a rules problem…

    (37 seconds. Not bad!)

  • Doug Adams

    #5 is the truth. We’ve been running 30s penalties for a while and many of the skaters joke about needing more time to rest. For some it is no joke.

  • polerin

    ahh yes. #1. Because, y’know, watching B.A.D. completely shut down power jams wasn’t entertaining and awesome

  • Angus McMahan

    Funny! But all kidding aside, I think a lot of these new rule changes will stop the ‘blockers-form-an-aisle-and-let-their-jammer-bash-her-brains-out-by-herself’ weirdness that was 2012/2013: My screed on the subject:

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