Top Ten... elektraQtion by Joshua R. Craig

Published on April 25th, 2013 | by Elektra Q. Tion

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Top 10 Things No Derby Girl has EVER Said

We live in a great time, where derby is exploding all over the world, and yet I think there are definitely some universal truths

Ten Things No Derby Girl Has EVER Said.

1. I had the perfect amount of play time in that game.

Is there such a thing? I love playing, and I would play in ALL THE JAMS if I could. I’m sure most of you feel the same way. There might be that freak of nature out there who thinks she played too much, but I haven’t met her yet.

2. My wrists don’t stink at all after wearing my pads for four hours at scrimmage.

I don’t know what it is about wrist guard funk, but it is stubborn and long lasting. Sometimes even after a shower, my wrists still smell putrid, and I wash my pads! I used to wear socks under my pads, but I quit doing it because it got hot. Guess I need to get back to that habit.

3. I have enough wheels.

NOBODY HAS ENOUGH WHEELS! Nuff said.

4. Cleaning bearings is so much fun!

If it was that much fun, no derby girl would ever need to but new ones, right? But from what I hear, most skaters would rather buy new ones than clean the ones they have. Cleaning bearing isn’t onerous, but it’s not really fun either. I guess it’s like flossing. Some people do it, and some don’t.

5. I’d rather be sitting in a league meeting for six hours than skating.

Especially if it’s a really heated league meeting, where feelings are getting hurt and policy is being challenged. Ooh…sign me up.

6. Every single one of those ref calls was perfect and I can find no fault in anything they did.

Even if we think the refs were decent, most derby girls never fully believe that every call a ref made is right or justified, especially if it was against her or her team. The best we hope for as players is that the refs are fair, and make equal amounts of good and bad calls against both teams.

7. The thought of new gear does not excite me.

Liar. I’m always looking at new gear. New gear is totally porn to derby girls.

8. I don’t care how my butt looks in these leggings.

Oh that’s never been uttered; we all care about what our butts look like when out on the track. Sometimes we want it to be big looking, impressive, or hot, but it’s all important to us. Which leads us to the next thing no derby girl has ever said……

9. I love every picture taken of me while I’m playing derby.

I’m pretty sure that the most beautiful of derby players make jammer faces in some of their pictures.

10. Drama doesn’t affect my league.

Oh, I wish this one was true. Let’s try and make this one true eventually!

Republished with permission. For more writing by the talented Elektra Q Tion, visit her blog.

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