Top Ten... Hale Yeah

Published on December 10th, 2012 | by Hale Yeah

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Hale Yeah

Top Ten Roller Derby Referee Requests to Santa

10. For Santa to forget about the pony that was requested at age 8 and instead send a real-life zebra now.

9. The new rule set audio recording read by George Takei.

8. Self-activated cloaking device for those rare times refs fall without a single person near them.

7. More Jr. Derby refs. Because the only thing more adorable than a Jr. derby girl, is a Jr. derby ref saying the phrase “Cut twack majohr”

6. To finally meet a person you can love that enjoys “long walks on the beach, watching sunsets, and a spirited discussion of the fine distinctions of Rule 3.4.2.4.”

5. To have home and away uniforms. (white with black stripes for home and black with white stripes for away bouts, of course)

4. For them to finally make good on the promise of a sequel to “Whip It” – “Ref It”

3. A Fox 41(!) Whistle: a whistle so strong, a skater doesn’t hear it so much as feels it drive them
to the penalty box. (Use with caution.)

2. Helmet cams that beep occasionally to remind you you’re wearing a helmet cam.

1. All they truly want is a white (and black) Christmas.

Hale Yeah is the winner of the first-ever Derbylife writing contest!

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