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Published on July 13th, 2012 | by Mercy Less

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ESPN Learns Our Worst Kept Secret: Booty

Some (wrongfully) consider a lame Journey song to be Roller Derby’s international anthem. I submit that this has always been it:

ESPN Magazine has embraced the strength of a good posterior in an interesting new article for this month’s upcoming Body Issue. (Which will, of course, never ever top last year’s).

“IT HAS BEEN all about the ass for more than two million years. When primitive man first raised his hands off the ground to become bipedal, it was the buttocks, serving as a counterbalance to the chest, that allowed our ancestors to stand erect, then propel themselves to the top of the food chain. By 330 B.C., after studying the anthropological and physiological impact of the glutes, Aristotle became the first ass man of record when he boldly declared the booty a hallmark of humanity. “Man needs a seat,” he wrote.

Today, in addition to their role as the biggest and most important muscle group in the athlete’s body, the glutes serve as a source of pride and envy in locker rooms, a crucial tactile tool for communicating during competition and even an onboard computer, of sorts, at the racetrack. From the dawn of man to the first round of the 2012 draft, no body part has played a more significant role in sports — or been talked about less outside of it.”

Read on to discover how athletes in other sports share our interests!

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