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Published on December 7th, 2011 | by BioniKate

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Three Months Later: Reflections on an Injury

In 5 days, it will officially be three months since my stupid little incident. I have now spent a longer amount of time being injured than I have spent skating. Wow, an accomplishment. I realized last night, that I kind of don’t even remember what skating feels like. It will be funny when I do put my skates back on, and my skill level will be lower than the newbies I’d been occasionally assisting. Oh well, square one was an exhilarating place to be in at one time…I’m sure it remembers me and will treat me well. Though I can’t help but pray a little bit that my new bionic leg parts hold some magic powers, and I come flying out of the gate all Bonnie Thunders style, even as a blocker. (I’m an optimist, don’t you dare shit on my dreams!!) The awesome thing is that I no longer fear broken bones. So perhaps now I won’t be as hesitant of a skater as I once was. (Kate, your ass called and it wants its hematoma back.)

Since I’m rather obsessed with lists, here’s a new one that I will boringly entitle:

AN ODD NUMBERED FINAL LIST OF THINGS I’VE LEARNED AND/OR ACCOMPLISHED BY BREAKING MY LEG DURING A DERBY REC LEAGUE SCRIMMAGE: TIPS, OBSERVATIONS, AND RANDOM STATEMENTS

1. Rec league is supposed to be light-contact, especially when you’re in a mini-scrimmage with Graham Reaper…she’s such a badass though, and I really couldn’t resist attempting a hard block on her. Never again…you block her, and you break your leg. Definitely my bad, Reaper!!!

2. The breaking part really just felt like a bad twisted ankle…I only screamed because I was shocked that my foot was on sideways…I giggle-whimpered through the rest of it. It was pleasing to discover that I’m not a pansy.

3. When hopped up on narcotic pain meds, allow a sober friend to make your decisions for you. If I had followed this advice, I wouldn’t have agreed when a certain relative invited herself over to “help” me recover. Not only did all of my closets get rearranged (I still can’t find my freaking pillow cases!), I was locked out of my house when I was returning home from surgery because she went shopping. UGH! I can’t say anymore, it makes my blood pressure rise!!

4. Speaking of pain meds…OMG I loved them. That is, until they gave me the sweats! Seriously, they don’t tell you about that part. You feel all loopy and awesome at first, and then you get constipated, which I expected (and nobly fought!)…but then, you start sweating profusely for no reason!! Right through your sheets!!

5. Rollergirls are great entertainment in the ER…even if you’re in there for non-derby injuries, call some to come over and stand at the foot of the gurney and make sarcastic comments at the nurse when he can’t get your I.V. in. I’m sure all the laughing helped that process.

6. When they say they’re going to cut your laces to get your skate off, don’t throw a fit about it…mostly because they will make fun of you for throwing a fit about it later. (They were new, and I liked them!)

7. It’s odd that I didn’t really know three of my closest friends before July of this year. We bonded fast out of necessity and I wouldn’t change those circumstances for anything now. I’m so honored to have had the opportunity to cross paths with these people…I’m keeping them forever; there is no escape!!

8. Why yes…Yes I have enjoyed all of the attention.

9. Good news: Most of the league knows who I am now. Potentially scary news: Most of the league knows who I am now, and now I really have to prove myself.

10. I really did want my mommy…and she drove 400 miles and brought me some soup.

11. I have some mad T.V. marathon skills (yes it does take skill, dammit!). I have now finished/or am at least up to date on Arrested Development, Dead Like Me, 30 Rock, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, How I Met Your Mother, Dexter, and Weeds. I feel as though my life was thoroughly enriched by the educational nature of these programs.

12. It’s impossible to make an orthopedic boot look good with a dress/skirt…no matter what kind of adorable hosiery may be sticking out of it. (ew, “hosiery” is a gross word…sorry.)

13. Went through a very successful grilled cheese addict rehab program. I’m 32 days sober!! If you too struggle with melted cheese on toasted bread addiction, do call my sponsor, Kate’s Fat-Ass. She can provide a referral.

14. I now know the actual rules and strategy behind derby from watching and reading so much about it while being forced to sit around. A simple thing to do, but I never really made the time to do that when I was skating 6 days a week.

15. On December 15th I will be getting inked for the very first time. Five of us are going to commemorate various life successes permanently on our skin, all while honoring the birthday of dear (unofficially named) Punches…whose hobby it is to get tattooed. I previously had some hang-ups on the whole permanent art on my skin idea, but now I have a giant permanent scar on my leg and I thought…oh hell, at least a tattoo is pretty.

16. Though I started it before this ordeal happened, blogging has been a gratifying diversion for me at this time…and I will not feign humility and deny that I’ve thoroughly entertained myself with my own snark. However I do very sincerely thank those that have humored me by reading my self-indulgent posts. (Aren’t most blogs primarily self-indulgent?)

17. Three weeks until I can wear two shoes again. And three weeks until I can write about NOT being injured. The suspense is KILLING ME!

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