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Published on October 31st, 2011 | by BioniKate

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I’m Not Dead Yet: Bionikate’s ‘Hematoma’

I’m Not Dead Yet is DerbyLife’s section of commisery and advice from the ranks of the current derby injured. Got a story to share? submissions@derbylife.com Reprinted with permission from the autor’s blog, Kate On Skates

This post brought to you by one of Kate’s skating buddies, because, well, you’ll see.

So remember that time Kate updated her blog about an epic bruise on her ass? And being an aggressive skater? And hoping that she wouldn’t have to have a chunk of her ass removed?

I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that Kate’s ass is still intact.

The bad news is that Kate is doing a lot of sitting on that bruise these days, because she straight up destroyed her ankle at practice on Tuesday.

No, I’m not guest posting because Kate is dead. She just doesn’t want to relive the experience quite yet, and she’s also on medical leave from a computer and the internets her job so she asked me to recount it for her.

It was a cold and drizzly day. Kate (and myself, I might add) did not want to go to rec league practice, but she did (and so did I) because she is hardcore. Two and a half hours into practice, one minute into a mini scrimmage jam and WHAM. Down goes Kate. And then Kate starts yelling. And yelling. And yelling. I knew the minute I heard her yell that her ankle was broken, but she managed to twist it back into a forward-facing position and hadn’t heard it snap, so we held out hope that it was just a minor fracture or a torn ligament.

Pause here to shoutout to one of our new friends Michelle, who is bravely joining us on this derby journey and also happens to be a very prepared nurse with an inflatable foot boot on her person at all times. Second shoutout to Slammylou Harris, one of the Nashville Rollergirls who was hanging around our practice and is experienced in the realm of broken ankles at practice.

Between the experts plus the rest of us crowded all around offering everything from humor to terrible advice, we managed to get Kate’s skates and pads off, get her into the inflatable boot and go zipping down Nolensville Road to the Southern Hills Medical Center in hopes of a shorter wait in the ER.

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Turns out that the price you pay for a no-wait ER trip is pure blood. Holy hell. The nurse somehow managed to make the room look like a massacre while he was trying to get an IV of sweet, sweet pain meds in Kate’s arm. And then her other arm. By the time he finished, there was blood on the sheets, blood on her new magical compression shorts, and a frickin pool of blood on the damn floor. GROSS. He cleaned her up so it only sort of looked like she had been finger painting with blood on her arm.

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A few x-rays later and we discover that not only had Kate broken and dislocated her ankle, but she had also torn some ligaments and broken her damn leg in three places.

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They knocked her out for about 5 minutes and got her in a temporary cast and some crutches, and finally around midnight we were on our way back to her house to terrify her three legged cats. Her momma came to town, Kate gets to have surgery soon, and today they are renting a wheelchair so she can go to NRG’s last hometown bout this Saturday. How’s that for hardcore?

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I can’t wait to skate with her again in a few weeks when she’s all fixed up, though I’m terrified of the kinds of whoop ass her new bionic leg will unleash on the track. BIONIKATE!

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