Stories Rawk by Masonite Burn

Published on July 15th, 2011 | by Eric RAWK


Rawk by Masonite Burn

Welcome to RAWK City

Welcome to RAWK City. That’s about as much of an introduction as you’re going to get so I hope it’s sufficient. This isn’t a beginning; I’ve been involved in women’s roller derby since 2005. I don’t have time to catch you up and I can’t even figure out where to start this column… So I guess there’s no time like the present.

The murmurs about the WFTDA No Minors beta test bouts hosted by Rat City have passed (you want to know about how that went check out episode #60 of Derby Deeds ) and the Atlanta Rollergirls and Kansas City Roller Warriors headed up to the Pacific North West for the Washington State Trifecta, bouts with Jet City, Rat City and the Oly Rollers. My buddy Jessika Rabid came out to Seattle early and we skated Greenlake, indulged in succulent pork sandwiches at Paseo and broke in the new Tron pinball machine at Shorty’s. That’s how you prep for a weekend of 5 or 6 bouts (for the record she wasn’t skating but was full force cheering on her team).

Don’t expect me to mention much about the specifics of bouts as recaps aren’t what I do (Elwood Bruise is already kicking enough ass at that). Jet City had a pretty thorough spread of food for us; plenty of goodies to make sandwiches, beef jerky, and Twinkies with strawberry goo and coconut on the outside. The beef jerky is what really knocked it up another level for me. I was an Outside Pack Referee for the bout between Rat City and Atlanta Rollergirls. It was great to be on a crew with DJ Jazzy Ref again and really rad to meet and officiate with Hurtin Temples. That was bout number one for me and us for the weekend. There were a few minutes to spare between bouts so I could peruse what was left of the tables of food and then headed back out to the track. Cop A Phil is one of my favorite officials to Jammer Ref with and the Jet City Bombers vs Kansas City Roller Warriors All-Stars bout was no exception. He got taken out a few times (and the announcer gave him a good amount of shit for it) which led to some solid teamwork opportunities, all part of the challenge and why I love working with him.

Exiting the venue Dolemout, Loki Doki and myself were trying to figure out if heading home or the afterparty was the right move. After all, it was Friday and there were 3 or 4 more bouts left for us over the next two days. Our decision was made for us almost immediately as Jud greeted us with a big grin and a bottle of Jim Beam. No whiskey for me as I was driving but that certainly didn’t reduce how amused I was by Marilyn Gun-Hoe’s many voice impressions, Nasty Nikki Nightstick’s sass and both of their antics, reflections of the bout and plans for the rest of the night and/or morning. Then it was a quick run through the Taco Bell drive thru to start the drive back to Seattle, a shower when I got home and some sleep.

While the debut and realization that we’d both shaved off our beards came the night before, the magic of clean shaven (for us) dudes came on Saturday when Inspector Parts and I Jammer Reffed the Oly Rollers vs Kansas City Roller Warriors bout. Compliments about how much younger, slimmer ‘n hotter we looked aside, this bout was hella fun as both of these teams have spry, agile Jammers. Derby Skinz recently custom-made me some jerseys and I’ve been really diggin them. This weekend I wanted to put the material they are made out of to the test and see how much of a benefit the black mesh replacing the center black stripes on the front and the back really is, so I went with no Under Armor undershirt. I was really happy with how this worked out as the material wicks away sweat and the mesh helps keep you dry and cool. Yeah I’m stoked about my new referee jerseys!

The officials rented a house on the lake in Olympia so I headed out there to party; and by party I mean play with fire in the wood-burning stove, partake in some Settlers of Catan, be amazed by how still the lake was at dusk (fyi dusk happens at like 9:30 pm here in Washington) and have my mind blown that Miss Nomer was watching “Teen Wolf” for the first time and only thought it was alright. I called it at 3 am as I had to be at the next day’s bout at 9 am and the place we were staying at was an hour and a half away.

I don’t know who the guy was that was mowing his lawn at 7 am but he really didn’t appreciate me doing double the speed limit. It’s cool, though, as I waved and flashed him a smile like he’d just served me the breakfast I was terribly wanting. As I started getting my gear out of my bag before the bout I realized I’d left my stripes and shorts back at the house. Thankfully Sir Osis had an extra jersey and merch tossed me some short shorts. I felt like Tootie and apparently a few people mistook me for him; quite the compliment, as my fiance is a hawt piece’a man. The bout was all over the place speed-wise and definitely hard hitting. This led to me skating a ton as an Outside Pack Ref and thankfully I was able to dodge all falling and/or flying skaters. It also meant I was closer to the benches where the ever-hilarious Clockwork Ref was serving as Kansas CIty’s Manager. I’m pretty sure I hid my grins well.

Then it was back to the house to catch a quick nap and grill up some asparagus and hotdogs. Fyi, when you run out of hotdog buns, using a pickle instead is phenomenal, just be ready to lick some mustard off your fingers.

The evening bouts in Oly were brutal!! I was going to NSO the first one but when there were already too many NSOs I was happy to sit it out. It was for the best as I was able to just put the Head Referee hat on, talk with Atlanta about the venue and medical staff (there were two injuries in the first bout) and manage the timetable so that visiting skaters on the 11 pm flight could get to the airport in time. Atlanta brought enough ferocity to the track for 28 skaters and I think the 3rd bout of the weekend for these two teams was one that they both competitively enjoyed (yeah I know the score wasn’t close but I’m talking gameplay).

Back soon with more tales of antics in and out my Antiks


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